I didn't "grow" up in the Esch household but I think we all grew up with a sense of belonging or connection that was obvious the day we met. I felt a part of them. I can see many similarities between myself and Ethan and Aaron.
Yes, it's genetic!!!
I've been feeling vulnerable.
Helpless.
Panicky.
I miss him. I can honestly say the last words we exchanged were "bye, I love you". And I am so grateful for that. I was able to spend a lot of time with Aaron the week of Thanksgiving. We laughed, talked, hung out, laughed some more. I even woke him up so he could get my 3 yr old out of a locked bathroom!!
I go through different emotions 30x a day. I feel like if I am, then I can't imagine the emotions that come with people really close to him. I do know I love him. I really want to hug him again. I want to laugh with him again.
This time of year is making things hard but also easier. It's really conflicting. I know Aaron would want us to enjoy life and especially Christmas time but human emotion and lack of understanding makes it hard. It's been easier because I've been kinder this Christmas. I've been giving and doing it with the mindset of Aaron. I'm understanding the true meaning of Christmas. I'm loving more and remembering why we celebrate this beautiful season and time of year. The birth of our wonderful Savior, Jesus Christ. Although I do not always understand things I know He loves us all.
This picture has many different meanings for me. I know Aaron is happy. I know he is safe. I know he is also taking care of all of those sweet souls taken so early. Aaron is working miracles along side of the master himself and that calms my raging emotions.
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” [Matt. 11:28–30]
"Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God... He wishes us to come unto him, to follow him, to be comforted by him. Then he wishes us to give comfort to others. However halting our steps are toward him—though they shouldn't be halting at all—his steps are never halting toward us. May we have enough faith to accept the goodness of God and the mercy of his Only Begotten Son. May we come unto him and his gospel and be healed. And may we do more to heal others in the process. When the storms of life make this difficult, may we still follow his bidding to “come,” keeping our eye fixed on him forever and single to his glory. In doing so we too will walk triumphantly over the swelling waves of life’s difficulties and remain unterrified amid any rising winds of despair".
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